We All Have Problems, Mine’s Sleeping

Today feels like a kick in the gut.  I just want to keep sleeping, but I have to push forward to do a job I’m beginning to hate.  I’m sensitive, I won’t deny it, but that doesn’t change the fact that this normal life everyone is so crazy about maintaining is slowly draining my will to go on.  I don’t want to do anything today.  I just want to sit by myself and dream about nothingness.

“Fine!” I shout while rocking myself out of bed.  I feel like complete and utter garbage.  Do I really need money?  Jesus, I’ve got to get going.  I start the shower, then prepare my toothbrush.  Despite the fact that my head felt like it was full of sand and my throat, branded, for the record, I would’ve done this whether I was fit as an ostrich or sick as a priest, so it was easy for my inner demons to weasel their way in.

Freshly showered, I get out and wipe the condensation from the mirror.  I didn’t look great, of course, that was pretty much always true, except, for like, weddings and stuff.
“Screw it.” I speak aloud to my twin.  So, I do it, I call my boss.

“Yeah, If you guys don’t need me there today, I could really use a personal day.”  I say, maybe or maybe not amplifying the severity of my ailments.  If they can hear the snot over the phone, they’ll generally remember that you probably shouldn’t be spreading the plague at the office.

He buys it, and I immediately go back to bed.

See, I haven’t been sleeping all that well lately.  I didn’t actually fall asleep last night until 4:00 a.m., and I still woke up, with no alarm, at seven.  The bed does feel nice, and I don’t even take off the towel from the shower, because it’s so cozy.  Won’t be long now.  I let go.

I’m somewhere else.  I hear a resonant, manly voice.

“A flavored broadcaster stumbled when he fumbled the microphone, throwing it across the room and hitting Cindy Whatchamightcaller directly in the center of her shins that she was showing off to the guest vet.  She screamed out in pain, but no one in the area seemed to care.  All of a sudden, the soldier’s huskies leaped with their leashes and attacked the caramel covered Jeremy Whosehisname, leaving no trace of him to be identified.”

I realize that I am in a wooden office.  Outside, dark caves, illuminated slightly by torches strewn across the ground, snaked and twisted in every direction, with me at the center.  I turn the small, black and white television set “off”, but that seems to have triggered a cave in.  I run, choosing a path at random.  I run and run, but I never seem to get anywhere.  I stop.

I’ve had this dream before.  

I wake up from one dream into another, but some part of me can’t believe it, so it’s a completely unconscious experience.  Why did I have to be such an idiot?  There is a voice, and this setting is similar, both possibly important.

My eyes open to the truth of this moment, and the essence of the atmosphere itself seems to be communicating.  Whispering wishes, cerulean fairy orbs glinting, moist, chilled cave walls just out of sight, the darkness feels familiar.  There is a delicate fog, cut through and scattered by the breath of an intruder.  He has a pig smile and a long white face.

When he is certain I’ve seen him, he fades, back into the shadows.  Suddenly and alone, I fall to the rock floor.  I know what I’ve done.

“No!” I scream as I jolt myself awake.

What the hell! I’m breathing so heavily, heaving, but I can’t remember a thing.  I look at the clock.  Well, wonderful, I managed to scrape together forty-five minutes of barely passable sleep.  I really was hoping for more, but maybe I’ll make it up tonight.  I borrowed time from yesterday, knowing I couldn’t pay it back for days.

I get caught in a cycle, round and round.  Like a gargoyle, at night I sit alone in my home chomping on propaganda and listening to the neighbors come home.  I’m begging someone to break in.  Then, like magic, I become normal once again, for a while.  But there’s no need to dwell.

Sleep is for the weak and healthy.  I’ve got a life to live, and I won’t squander it with rest.  You have to keep moving forward in this world, or it won’t be time that gets you; it’ll be a predator.  Make no mistake, we’ve got to be ready at all times to fight for what’s ours, because if we fail to maintain vigilance, the enemy will prevail.  What good is good health, if your values are being conquered?


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